You know, a new relationship being six months or so. Not quite long enough to say those three little worlds – “I love you”, but long enough to have farted in front of each other, and made a drunken ass out of yourself at least once.

I like to think I’ve learned a lot over the years, using my newfound knowledge from yet another failed relationship to hopefully not make the same mistakes again. Here’s what I’ve learned about what you shouldn’t do when you’re in a new relationship…

A Few Things I’ve Learned Not To Do in a New Relationship 

1 – Don’t send your girlfriend half naked pictures of other girls on a daily basis. 

It’ll make her feel inadequate, even if she jokes it off. Or she’ll play the same game right back ‘atcha and send you half naked dudes. You won’t appreciate it. There will be a fight. Either way, you’ll lose.

See – Dating Double Standards

2 – Don’t tell a girl she’s the ‘missing jigsaw piece’ and then admit you’ve said that to another girl before. 

Yep, my boyfriend did that. I was his missing jigsaw piece. I wasn’t the only one either apparently.  To be fair, I did ask the question – “How many other girls have you said that too?”

“One,” he says, “But it was in a completely different context.”

Hmmm.

Either way, she won’t be impressed. There will be a fight. You’ll lose.

3 – Don’t accidentally say “I love you.”

If you don’t mean it, don’t say it. It’s not very difficult. You’ll screw with a girl’s head if you tell her you do when you don’t, and then you’ll wonder why she turned into a bunny boiler / crazy girl when you let her go.

Think about it – you’re basically digging yourself a hole.

4 – Don’t string out the inevitable – if it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work. 

Sometimes, you just know that you won’t be spending the rest of your life with the person you are with, and by staying with them after that realisation has set in, you are creating yourself a whole shit storm full of shit.

This goes to both guys and girls – we’re all guilty of this. (I am right now…)

Honestly though – if you know it’s not right, don’t just stick with it because there’s nothing else available. Do the right thing and set them free to find someone that thinks they are just right. What if there was some bitch out there holding onto your Mr. Right just because she hadn’t found her next victim yet?

#NotCool 

5 – Don’t forget to laugh. 

If his penis breaks when you’re having sex, don’t get all uptight about it. Just laugh it off. Couples that laugh together, stay together…

Or some crap like that. 

In all seriousness though – isn’t life serious enough without dating being so stuffy and formal? When did we stop having fun? If you’re going to go through the rigmarole of kissing all those frogs before you find your prince, you may as well have a good time at the same time!

6 – Don’t lie. 

Lying is just a massive mistake in the early flourishes of a new relationship. Firstly, if you want to stay with this person long term, there’s a good chance you’ll have the embarrassing ‘truth’ situation at some point and secondly, what’s the point?

Don’t you want to find someone that is just perfect for YOU? How are you going to do that when you’re not evening the real YOU? Think about it. It doesn’t make any sense at all..

7 – Don’t get shit-faced. 

Drinking helps make awkward situations less awkward, we’re all aware of this. However, there is a fine line between being a nice girl tipsy, and a trashy girl shit-faced.

You are only allowed one ‘idiocy pass’ in a new relationship. Not many men would let you get away with getting blind drunk and punching him in the face twice in six months. Would you?

See – How To Handle The Drunk Angry Girl…

8 – Don’t rush! 

Right, what happened to good old-fashioned courting? You know, when a man used to work hard to win you over, and at least open the door for you? Everyone seems in such a rush to get places these days, and by places, I mean the next stage of the relationship.

If you’re dating, you want him to say “I love you”. 

If you’re in love, you want him to propose to you. 

If you’re engaged, you want to live together. 

If you live together, you want to get married. 

If you get married, you want to have a baby. 

If you have a baby, you want another baby. 

When you’ve had a baby, you want an eternity ring.

You see? What’s the rush? Wouldn’t you rather take your time and end up having a happy ever after with a man that is right for you, rather than another big fat failure with a bunch of men that aren’t?

9 – Don’t distrust him. 

So many girls do this and for the most part, for no good reason. What is the point of winding yourself up worrying he’s cheating on you, when he hasn’t even left the house yet? God, give him a break. In fact, screw that, give yourself a break!

If you go through his phone, you’ll find something. It could be the most innocent of things, but you’ll still get the wrong end of the stick. A fight will result. This time, it’ll be you who loses.

See – When is Cheating, Cheating?

10 – Don’t bring your ex into the mix. 

If you’re not over him, you probably shouldn’t be dating someone new anyway but that aside, your ex will ruin your relationship whether he’s still in your life or not. You will compare your new guy to him at every available opportunity, and you’ll end up making both your lives miserable.

So there you have it, a few things I’ve learned not to do in a new relationship.